Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Randomize
