So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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