Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
