that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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