so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
