She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
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