i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
