There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
