Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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