I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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