This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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