She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
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