Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
it was like his penis was on wheels.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
