my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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