just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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