im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
