every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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