I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
