note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
