i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
