Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize