If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Randomize
