What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
