She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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