So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I am one with the molecules
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize