he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize
