***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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