I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
