thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
