I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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