you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
