Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
