mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
