He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
