This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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