i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Is it penis luge time yet?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
