Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
