Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
