The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Randomize
