Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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