You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
