guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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