My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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