Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I just had sex on a roof
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
