My first STD was from a foam party
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
