I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
he was CRYING into my vagina
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
