i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize