Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
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