you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
