I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
