I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Is it penis luge time yet?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
