we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Randomize
