Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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