Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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