nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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