Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize