so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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