Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
