And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
