Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
