you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
