Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
