I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
