is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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