how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
