Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
