if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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