I didn't shave. On purpose
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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