Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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