Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize