I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
