cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
